Third Sunday of the Holy Lent

The Gospel according to St. Luke (15: 11-32)

    "Then He said: "A certain man had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.' So he divided to them his livelihood. And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself, he said, 'How many of my father's hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants." 'And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' And they began to be merry. Now his older son was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, 'Your brother has come, and because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted calf.' But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. So he answered and said to his father, 'Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.' And he said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.'"

    + Your tenderness towards me, my Lord is indescribable… The tenderness of the Godly Fatherhood that forgives sins and covers iniquities. How many times my Lord have I been estranged to a far country…. Far from You… And my estrangement has been due to my poor inclinations… The pleasures of my heart that bends towards the dust. Yet despite my soul leaving to its far country… Has it been estranged from you Lord? If my soul delays its estrangement, with Your tenderness You watch over it because You are near and present at every place and at every time.

    My refusal to submit to your Fatherhood and my ingratitude and love for independence so I can live for myself is the source of my torture and dryness of soul… My Lord, what is present in the far country except poverty, need, food of swine and slavery? The enemy lies and decorates evil and beautifies the life of sin as if it is enjoyment and freedom yet it ends with the most painful of existence within slavery and bondage.

    How can I repay You O Lord for the multitude of your mercies? I say bring me closer to You and Contain me within Your Bosom… I say to myself How long will you remain in sojourn… Do you not have yearning to the Bosom of the Father?

    My Lord God. Protect me from being away from You… In You is life with its entirety… Estrangement from You is Death… You are the True Light…. Away from You is darkness… Sin and its attraction, pleasure of the human mind, darkens the thoughts/eyes so it does not see. The devil is a fake, a liar… He promises lies… In him is no truth.

    + Many promises have pulled me outside… A promise of freedom; portraying the Bosom of the Father and the House of the Father as slavery… A promise of joy; as if my submission to the Father is through force, sadness, and without joy… A promise of departure; as if in my Father’s house I am tied with the ropes of fasting and prayer.

    My Lord, grant me grace and wisdom so I refuse to believe the words of lies or thoughts of lies… My Lord, I confess before You the many times the enemy decorated deploring me from my Father’s house and His Bosom, and without wisdom and care I obeyed and followed behind my heart and its pleasures.

    + I confess to You that during my sojourn in this far country, I handed myself off to slavery… There my heart and my body were stained with the works of corruption… I departed from my Father… I departed from Holiness and Love… I departed from the Holy Fear and lacking wisdom, I felt that I am away from my Father’s vision, so He is not here and does not notice… Even though You are the All knowing and “My frame was not hidden from You” (Psalm 139:15).

    + The pleasure of my belly led me to hunger… To the food of the swine… Fullness left me when I subjected myself to my pleasures. “The eye is not satisfied with seeing, Nor the ear filled with hearing.” (Ecclesiastes 1:8) In Your Right hand O Lord “In Your presence is fullness of joy” (Psalm 16:11)

    + Your servants and those who serve Your Holies have enough to spare from the Bread of Life and Joy of Satiety… But as for me, I perish from hunger unless Your mercies overtake me, My Lord… Like vapor have the pleasures of the world perished and left for me in drought and hunger much harsher towards the soul and body both.

    + It is indeed true my Lord what You said to the Samaritan woman: “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again” (John 4:13)... How can the water of the world satisfy the soul that seeks the Heavenly? How can the food of swine fill a heart that is used to the Heavenly Bread?

    Therefore, I beg you my Lord that You move in me the sense of returning to You… Return me to myself and awaken in my heart the memories of Your Love and the Heart of the Gentle Father and the Godly Kisses.

    + Bring back to me the memories of the Fatness of Your House and the Tables of Happiness and tears of Joy and renew within me the yearning for the Heavenly… Return within me, my senses to the Truth so they realize how rotten the food of sojourn is and how harsh is the slavery of false freedom… Kindle the wick of Repentance, with Spiritual Fire, within the insides of my heart so the fire that You came to bring is kindled and Your will is present within its flare.

    + Pronounce with the voice of Your Spirit inside me so that I may get up and return… I beg of You to raise me and return me with a push from You… My members have been paralyzed so I am unable to get up or return… As a cachectic patient heading towards death without movement… As an incapacitated by illness. Even as the paralytic of Capernaum… And the sick of Bethesda has become my soul… With no aid and no one… I confess my weakness…

    + Yet I have Faith in You my Father… You uplift the fallen and return the lost… You are the True Shepherd. You seek the lost and restore the missing… My soul has been numbered with the lost, even numbered with the dead, my Lord…

    + Yet my hope is in You and through You I gain the strength to Resurrect through Your loving Word… I come to You and You run towards me… My steps are human, limited and weak yet You are God who is Capable of all things.

    + I move with weak eagerness, yet You pull me with strength that does not fail… Salvation is from You… You are He who calls sinners to repentance… You loosen those who are tied with the ropes of unfairness and call the lost and sanctify the impure.

    + Your heart yearns towards the lost and says everyday, “Return to Me”... Your heart, towards the heavy laden, says every day “Come to Me”... Place my Lord in my heart the words of prayer and plant within my mind the words of apology “ I have sinned against heaven and before You, and I am no longer worthy to be called Your son. Make me like one of Your hired servants."

    + As You accept the prayer before I even say it and search the heart and examine the insides… I get up, get up, My Father… I return, return, my Lord… Strengthen my will and strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees… I draw near to You… Fear surrounds my every feeling.

    + I have lost my whole inheritance and this scares me… I have wasted all I have taken and all I had has disappeared and gone. I have no excuse in my avoidance and escape and this scares me… I have desecrated my body and mind and here I return to The Holy and this scares me… Yet what You mentioned in the parable Lord, calms the worst of sinners.

    + You are pleased with the return of the sinner. You see him from far and run to catch him from the pit of despair and fear together… Instead of punishment and penalty You present love and  compassion… Instead of judgment You came for salvation.

    + How beautiful is Your Love O Lord and how kind is Your compassionate Heart! The kisses of Your mouth on the neck that has bent towards slavery… Who can describe it… Truly You are my Father and my Savior..

    + My soul has melted from the generosity of grace and free love… Today I present myself as a slave and I do not deserve to be hired servant… The hired servants and slaves have not wronged You, like I did… Yet, You insist that I am Your son, You put on my the wedding garment and the shoes of preparation with the Gospel of Peace and the Ring of Fatherhood is a witness. Your sacrifice that is present for the spiritual Joy and the fullness of the heart.

    + What more do I seek? What is my excuse first and foremost!?

    You have encircled my neck with an unforgettable debt so that I become the slave of Your love… I serve You as long as I live and ask You not to deal with me according to what I deserve yet maintain Your mercy and compassion…

    + I beseech You not to allow me to leave again and sojourn away from You, Yet, in every way, tear from me any reason to lead me to depart from You… My first way and my first path and all that I had and I wasted with the deviation of my will… And here You are returning to me my Inheritance and my Chalice and all that I had as if nothing was lost.

    + My Lord, You are truly the fountain of compassion that does not dry up… Wash me from my sins and remove from me the clothes of shame… Allow me to behold Your face at every moment, so that my soul can be satisfied with the Fatherly Compassion that is indescribable.

    + What about the joy that is unspoken of and the happiness of returning to You…?Do not deny me of this blessing my Lord… The joy of the world passes and changes… The joy of pleasures is short lived, at the end it is converted to sorrow and sadness…

    The joy of the Fatherly Bosom is “inexpressible and full of glory.” (1 Peter 1:8)

+ What about the sacrifice of Your love, my Lord, that is full of fullness and fatness?

    Grant me to enjoy It every day so I can taste whenever I partake of It the taste of the heavenly kingdom. Fill me after the many years of hunger… Feed me from Your Hand as my soul has struggled through the food of swine.

    + My soul yearns towards You… It has become a dry land lacking water… But now satiate my thirst and take away the sadness from my soul… Give me and grant me the joy of Your salvation so I may worship You with gladness, praise, and the sound of the trumpet that shakes inside me all spiritual feelings.

    + And now, O my Lord, What do I have left… ?

    “And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.” (Psalm 73:25)... My soul has entered its fullness and satisfaction and I have bread to spare… With generosity are Your blessings my Lord… You alone are the satisfaction of my soul!

    + This is The Truth, All the Truth… Away from You and Your House there is no satisfaction or freedom or peace or security but fear, hunger, nakedness and shame.

    + Seal my promises with blessing, and take me into Your Bosom and do not leave me to my own self but complete Your work in me and Save me to the End. Amen.

Fr. Louka Sidarous

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